Nut Milk Nightmare

Last night I soaked my first batch of Almond Nuts in readiness to make NUT MILK today.  

I was super excited to crack open my Nut Milk bag and I got all my tools at the ready.

Now I don't own a Blender so had thought my food processor would work.  OH DEAR.. how wrong was I!!

I put in the Soaked Nuts (about 2 cups worth)  1tsp Real Vanilla Extract  3 Majool Dates and a grind of Himalayan salt and about 5 cups of cold water.

TURN the food processor on.. OH MY GOODNESS.. water EVERYWHERE .. the lid doesn't seal so the water escaped and sprayed everything.

Removed MOST of the remaining water.. blitzed the almonds/dates to as fine a pulp as possible.  Find Hand Wand style blitzer and jug..  then in small batches I had to add the water to the pulp and whizz it that way.. empty each jug worth into a waiting basin with my NUT MILK BAG.. once completed I then had to pleasure of squeezing my NUT COW.. 

It came out DELISH.. made about 1.5ltr.. 

BUT I REALLY NEED A BLENDER!!!!

Lovely Legs

A big part of my journey is about acknowledging my body, its importance and how toxic I have let it get.

When you have body image issues you tend to obsess about being the Victim you are and not about the LOVE you should be showing.

My mind has had a real renewal in the last few months.  Im beginning to see ME.

This morning I got my son to take a full body photo (clothed) so that I could use one of those FREE Apps on my iPhone that can make you look skinny.

The photo I chose I was at first really pleased with and thought.. wow I dont look too bad.. then I applied the "skinnyfier"  and suddenly that first real photo didnt look so good.  For the first time I had seen a thinner version of myself and I was happy..

It really helped me focus on my journey.  I now see how I can be thinner.  This then effects my actions and reactions and choices.

Today whilst my boys were having fun at a Kids event I had an unexpected couple of hours child free and as I was only 10 mins from my favourite Chinese Massage place I decided to take the opportunity to have my back and legs massaged.

I have decided April to June will be LEG health focus. So today I had an OIL massage done on my legs.  I have never let anyone massage my bare legs before and I must say it was liberating and amazing.  

Whilst having my 50 min massage there was music playing and it happened to be chinese style instrumental music.. I was trying to use this soothing sound to meditate and help with any pain that arose from pressure point the massage dealt with.  Suddenly when some fleshy kneading was taking place the song "Change my heart o Lord" came on.. the words are ingrained on my heart so I knew the chorus lyrics are :

You are the Potter, 

I am the clay; 

Mold me and make me, 

This is what I pray

I started to feel emotional and my mouth salivated badly as I stuffed back the urge to cry.  I had been praying for God to intervene with my body transition.  And suddenly this song AND Amazing Grace were playing.. God knew these two song would speak to me and help me allow the massage to have the maximum benefit.  I felt like God was working through the masseuse in her work and I don't if she was in touch with the energy I was emitting but she seemed to do just the right things!

I'm so grateful for this HOLISTIC journey and the person I am becoming!

6 Air Purifying House Plants !!

1. Bamboo Palm: It removes formaldahyde and is also said to act as a natural humidifier.

2. Snake Plant: It absorb nitrogen oxides and formaldahyde.

3. Areca Palm: One of the best air purifying plants for general air cleanliness.

4. Spider Plant: Great indoor plant for removing carbon monoxide and other toxins or 

impurities. Spider plants are one of three plants NASA deems best at removing formaldahyde 

from the air.

5. Peace Lily: Peace lilies could be called the “clean-all.” They’re often placed in bathrooms or 

laundry rooms because they’re known for removing mold spores. Also know to remove 

formaldahyde and trichloroethylene.

6. Gerbera Daisy: Not only do these gorgeous flowers remove benzene from the air, they’re

 known to improve sleep by absorbing carbon dioxide and giving off more oxygen over night.

Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are

all emotions grow in size when practiced regularly.

Practice love to have more love, 

practice hate to have more hate. 

Practice kindness to have more kindness, 

practice depression to have more depression. 

The choice is yours as always.

This video and the above phrase really resonate with me today!

What are you practising and what is your body language telling you?

The changing face of skippy

Its refreshing to see the physical changes.. especially as I dont weigh myself

A new "Worzel Gummidge" head for me today!

After a bout of the "GLUMS" yesterday I started the day with new resolve and a new "head" on.  A new focus and a new outlook. 

I'm very much an extremist and often have a black and white view of life.  So its refreshing that I start this new month with a new focus.  

My juicing daily is a commitment and habit so I am comfortable this will not change.  I see it as a natural supplement to my daily digestion!

I also add daily supplements like digestive enzymes, probiotics, multi Vit and Omega3.  This is because my gastric band compromising my ability to eat enough live foods to get what I need.  

I'm starting my day with Apple Cider Vinegar and water too.  

Today's new head is about being less obsessive about RAW.. not that I'm not still passionate about it and my kitchen and pantry are now set up to make more.. but I found I was becoming phobic of all other  foods. Anything not Raw or anything slightly processed.  Anything with white flour, sugar, dairy .. pretty much anything that I hadn't made.  It was really upsetting me and making me feel like a failure.

Reality is I need to do what I CAN do and NOT about what I'm scared of not doing!  This journey of rehabilitating my toxic body is not about some fad detox diet.. its about establishing GOOD habits that are life giving.  And I was beginning to be overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

The Easter Weekend was a good reminder to me is that every day is a NEW day.  Nothing is "undoable".. and I'm NOT a victim of a defeatist attitude!

I am going to remember that like Worzel Gummidge I have a purpose and yet I can have an "interchangeable head", something for all occasions.  I can be flexible and it wont be the end of the earth! Lets face it.. sometimes Aunt Sally wants CAKE!!

Numb inside

This artwork describes my mood today!

I have let myself down and I'm feeling Glum.

Mentally I have done SO WELL for over 3 weeks now.. I have pretty much removed processed food.  But this weekend being Easter there have been a supply of Easter eggs in our family home and I was determined NOT to eat any.  I didn't buy my kids many and I didn't buy myself any.. (but my parents sent a big bag for the boys)

But I realised there is still echo's of the OLD thinking in my brain.. this All or Nothing mentality.  Its not like I binged on Chocolate.. but my eating has definitely felt chaotic.

, 

I did have an Easter egg at my best friends, 4 solid mini eggs and had about 4 squares of 70%+ dark choc,  and it was ok.. but I don't WANT even this small bit of poison in me or the feeling of missing out it raised and so today I felt so glum, angry, teary and tired.

I still did my green juice but it felt ruined because the good veg are frozen from our frdge being stupid and so didn't taste too good and because I told myself I shouldn't have sugary fruits in it I suddenly am thinking about sugar.  WTF is that about.  

My body doesn't WANT it.  My resolve doesn't WANT it.. but a part of my brain is feeling lonely and neglected.. (NOT helped by my husband working in his study most of the weekend because his company demand this work be done and he has to do it before Tuesday so his family, who rarely see him these days miss out AGAIN)

So instead of the fishing trip or even a picnic in the park we have done NOTHING.. the boys never got their promised bike park ride with Daddy because HE didn't prioritise time with them.

And now I'm VERY pissed about it and so the first thing that surfaces is this whole EATING crap. 

I also watched a few episodes of the UK show Supersize vs Superskinny and I guess it kept everything emotionally in focus ONLY because if I didn't I would have just said "Stuff if all" and had a binge.. though I'm not sure I would have as I really don't WANT it.. but then I can binge on ANYTHING.. its a mindset not a food issue.  So I did eat a massive amount of creamy yoghurt and I enjoyed it.. but the intense dairy kick has made me very sluggish!

My visualisation time have just comatosed me also.. I couldn't focus on them. I could only sooth and sleep from them. .  I still did them but my good attitude is just not there.. the one that is keeping me focused is just feeling very Shi##y about life right now.

Money is going to be tight as usual and our good grocery budget blow out will likely mean I will have a pretty pathetic birthday on the 13th April . and its something that always depresses me as I rarely get the birthday I want (without having to organise it myself) and I feel depressed about that.

Anyway.. need to get off my pity pot.. think I might go for a walk.. even though its scary in our neighbourhood Im actually thinking if anyone messes with me Im like to Chinese burn them!

On wards and forwards!!!  I need to learn to be HAPPY with my own company and stop relying on my husband to try and fill a void I obviously have!