Struggling does not mean losing!

It's time to fess up.. I am struggling.... this last few weeks have been hard as slowly more and more processed foods have snuck back into my daily eating.  Gluten bread here,  packet of chips there, a day lots of dairy.. its seems thematic.. not binges but items that I had preferred not to eat for months have now become edible again.  But.. its OK.. it really is.....

I am so proud of myself for not giving up and turning my back on my new life.. I am proud that I am accepting these foods as pleasure giving and not enemies.

I am still daily drinking a live green home made juice and I am still daily taking my life giving supplements that help me detox and regenerate.  

But mentally I have struggled.  I find myself battling ME.. On one hand I can give such support, encouragement and knowledge to others but I seem to be the expert talking the talk but at the moment really struggling walking the walk.

I am slowly reading a book by Lissa Rankin called Mind over medicine and its challenging me to the core.  I believe what she says.. I have first hand experience with what she teaches yet the more I read the more I fight it.  I just want my mind to SHUT UP sometimes and just get on with stuff.

I have a daily encouragement book in my toilet that I make sure I read daily.  It''s inspirational and amazing how appropriate the words are each day to my mood or the theme.  

As part of my "new me"  approach to life I have been slowly chipping away at piles of junk and clutter in our house and realising how much we have hidden away in boxes, cupboards and drawers..

As I throw stuff out in black bin bags, I get outraged it hubby even SNIFFS at the bags of rubbish.. and he WILL lose a hand if he tries to sift through ANY that I have already deemed rubbish.  He too struggles throwing stuff away and uses The excuse that he just wants to check if I might have mixed in recycling with it.." I JUST DON'T CARE BUDDY... I have filled the recycling bin enough to not worry about a little here and there being sent to landfill... "

So.. you can see its been a pretty interesting few weeks.

BUT.. I'm philosophical as usual.  I know this process must happen for me to achieve my ultimate goal of staying alive for as long as I can by being the healthiest and most balanced being. 

YET... I must acknowledge its not easy some days.... the days when all I want to eat is Fruit Toast with butter and mugs of coffee... but I have decided that I will allow myself those days as I am aware of them.. and the battle.  and I wont let the battle destroy  me but to mature and strengthen me.