Struggling does not mean losing!

It's time to fess up.. I am struggling.... this last few weeks have been hard as slowly more and more processed foods have snuck back into my daily eating.  Gluten bread here,  packet of chips there, a day lots of dairy.. its seems thematic.. not binges but items that I had preferred not to eat for months have now become edible again.  But.. its OK.. it really is.....

I am so proud of myself for not giving up and turning my back on my new life.. I am proud that I am accepting these foods as pleasure giving and not enemies.

I am still daily drinking a live green home made juice and I am still daily taking my life giving supplements that help me detox and regenerate.  

But mentally I have struggled.  I find myself battling ME.. On one hand I can give such support, encouragement and knowledge to others but I seem to be the expert talking the talk but at the moment really struggling walking the walk.

I am slowly reading a book by Lissa Rankin called Mind over medicine and its challenging me to the core.  I believe what she says.. I have first hand experience with what she teaches yet the more I read the more I fight it.  I just want my mind to SHUT UP sometimes and just get on with stuff.

I have a daily encouragement book in my toilet that I make sure I read daily.  It''s inspirational and amazing how appropriate the words are each day to my mood or the theme.  

As part of my "new me"  approach to life I have been slowly chipping away at piles of junk and clutter in our house and realising how much we have hidden away in boxes, cupboards and drawers..

As I throw stuff out in black bin bags, I get outraged it hubby even SNIFFS at the bags of rubbish.. and he WILL lose a hand if he tries to sift through ANY that I have already deemed rubbish.  He too struggles throwing stuff away and uses The excuse that he just wants to check if I might have mixed in recycling with it.." I JUST DON'T CARE BUDDY... I have filled the recycling bin enough to not worry about a little here and there being sent to landfill... "

So.. you can see its been a pretty interesting few weeks.

BUT.. I'm philosophical as usual.  I know this process must happen for me to achieve my ultimate goal of staying alive for as long as I can by being the healthiest and most balanced being. 

YET... I must acknowledge its not easy some days.... the days when all I want to eat is Fruit Toast with butter and mugs of coffee... but I have decided that I will allow myself those days as I am aware of them.. and the battle.  and I wont let the battle destroy  me but to mature and strengthen me.  

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LIFE Detox

Well its that time in my journey where I am starting to detoxify other areas of my life.. not just my physical body or just my emotional well being (though these are continued ongoing developing areas)... 

The area I am tackling is our House... both my husband and I are "collectors" and neither of us are ever willing to throw things away.. there is always a "just in case" scenario.  We manage to build up piles and piles of papers (mostly junk mail and old correspondence) and then we don't just have a junk draw where odds and ends go to die we have whole rooms full of these things.  

Over the years I watched shows like "Hoarders" with great interest as I have seen the emotional baggage attached to the physical clutter people have hoarded.  I have also identified with them too.  I cry with them as they realise that holding onto prem size nappies is not going to bring back a lost baby etc etc.. and these people end up freeing them self of the clutter by dealing with the emotional issues. 

Most of my life I have been a messy house keeper; especially my bedroom.  This developed over the years as I felt a real deep sense of deprivation, neglect and other emotional issues.  (all of which have contributed to my obesity issues).  I think Safety has been a major contributor to my own mess issues.. it makes sense that I would feel safe by leaving things on the floor that people could trip over.. but also hiding things.. its easier to hid precious belongings in amongth the mess etc.. What ever the reasons.. these all really don't apply now.  I am SAFE.. and am SECURE.. and have Abundance. 

Now, as a mother, I am understanding how my own children's desire for mess can be simple or can go deep and I have to be mindful to encourage not discourage self respect and respect for abundance in our life.

I am blogging about all this now as its a fresh struggle and its impacting my whole journey.

I am LOVING sorting and throwing out stuff.. but there is still a little part of me screaming inside.. scared and unwilling.  Its not a huge part, but there all the same.  

One thing I have learned about myself is that I find it very difficult to focus and do more than one thing at a time..  or should I say devoted attention to more than one thing.  I am very good at throwing myself in to things head first and become absorbed in them obsessively.. its like living life in a perpetual diet that you must focus on and follow to the letter.. well all my life seems to be like that.  I become obsessive and compulsive and ultra focused.. and this is just not a balance life.  

This week I have been thinking a lot about food.. and its no surprise that its been coinciding with my new found desire to become clutter free and its also no surprise its when I have been focusing also on trying to eat Organic NON GM foods more.

I have this set expectation for myself.. a set of standards that I want to achieve and I place a good or bad value on my day based on achieving those goals.  I know the things I SHOULD be doing to attain perfection and there is lots of things I COULD be doing to be best version of myself but the DOING is often far removed from these things.  

HOWEVER... Living life by SHOULDS or COULDS is never going to end well as I am NOT and NEVER WILL be Perfect... no matter how much I desire it, wish for it or visualisation it the fact remains that Perfection is never going to happen.  Only my BEST can be achieved.. and that's not measurable.. its only DO-ABLE!  BUT If I obsess and keep telling myself I am NEVER going to be Perfect and focusing on the drive to be so I will not have time or focus on DOING and BEING.  Its not about Perfection its about Being... and Living.. not by fixed rules but being open to living true to myself.

I have a moral and spiritual standard that I live by but its NOT limiting my ability to be healthy, wise and loving.  

The Power of visualising abundance

Previously I have shared about my journey of believing in Abundance.. and I have thoroughly been embracing the belief system that I have EVERYTHING I need.  I have stopped apologising for being ME and I surround myself by positive people.

So.. I have been getting on with life when suddenly.....

Today I got a phone call to say I had won a 1kg bag of Soap Nuts from a recent Eco Festival I attended.    These amazing natural nut shells are the perfect natural alternative for all cleaning products and washing powders and soaps.. its amazing.. its worth $40!!  and will save at least the same in cleaning products over the next 6 months!  

http://www.purerevolution.com.au

But that's not all..  I get home from collecting my prize to receive a reminder text message from my phone company saying my bill is due in 2 days time.. well I had already paid it earlier that day as I knew it was due - I never thought to check the online billing for the current balance.... but the text message said I actually had $53.97 credit in my account!  I rang them to ask why ... they haven't a clue and said I can keep the credit!!  That's 30% off my bill next month!.. 

Do I credit these things to coincidence or the power of believing that God provides all our needs and gives us LIFE in abundance?

 I go for the Latter.. I am living a GOD FILLED.. GOD DRIVEN.. DIVINE LIFE.... and I am appreciating every moment!

My own Journey is my destiny

With weight loss diet plans its always highly "goal" orientated.. and I struggled all the time knowing what was a realistic and ideal goal.  I could never set a goal because I never understood why some weeks my body shed lots of weight and others I put on weight.

When I discovered the Gabriel Method all the old DIET ways were thrown in the bin and new concepts and ideas were presented.

Understanding my BODY first and its needs was something I had surface knowledge of (like every experienced diet follower learns) but I never understood the core root of WHY my body was fat to begin with.

Society have "dumbed" down the whole understanding of weight loss/gain and tried to convince the world its all about Calories IN and Energy OUT.  Yes this is PART of the process.. but it NEVER factored in the Brain and Body connection.  Slowly that message is getting out there.

I have seen through the TV show The Biggest Loser that they are finally focusing on the MENTAL relationships side of Obesity and less on the exercise and food aspects.. and this years Australian Families Biggest loser is the first one I watched "religiously" with my 7 yr old son and I respected the show.. enjoyed its entertainment value but also the way it enabled conversations with the kids and implementation of NEW ways in our house hold.

For me I no longer have a GOAL that is weight focused.  I'm focusing on little steps and bigger respect for my body, my soul, my spirit, my LIFE as a whole.

Life is now a JOURNEY and Destination in ONE.  I am seeing every moment as an arrival.  Every experience as a Fait Accompli because every second counts!.  Every word, breath, mouthful of food, thought, emotion, interaction .. EVERYTHING matters.  Its what focus I put on everything individually that will determine next steps.

If I focus too much on FOOD.. then I find my mind can't focus on my SOUL.. if I focus too much on NEGATIVES.. I can't focus on LOVING..   If I focus too much on being SICK.. I can't focus on being WELL.


WHAT IS YOUR FOCUS TODAY ON?   

Every moment matters. ..  I want to embrace and enjoy it all!