Tapping away Guilt and Shame

Today I was reminded how easy it is to feel attacked by a case of "Guilt and shame"  

Last night I made a quick meal for me and my husband.  The kids had gone to bed sick and we had had a big weekend.. We were all pretty tired so I had chucked on some Wild Rice mix to cook whilst I did very little else.  I decided to make a "fried" rice so I went and grabbed a baby leek from the garden and some garlic chives and I used healthy oils to sweat them off.  

I wanted to use some bacon as that smoky pork taste just makes me think Fried Rice but I only had some frozen peperoni slices so I grabbed some and cut up about 1/2 cup.. sweated it off and then added some zucchini slices and sweated those off.. then added it all to the drained wild rice and sprinkled in some Tamari and some Lemon Myrtle. 

It was amazing.. It would have been pretty bland so the little bit of peperoni added a level of flavour that would have been lost if it wasn't in there.. 

I shared this meal on my facebook GM Transformation page and woke this morning to someone challenging me about the Peperoni (which I had called Salami but what I used was actually a pizza topping) [NOTE: I have deleted the post now as I don't want to shame anyone nor do I want reminding of the conversation]

YES I know its a processed meat.  Yes it wasn't the best option but it was all I had to hand and I wanted that in my meal.  

Gabriel Method is about FREEDOM.. not depriving and if all I chose to do at that time was add peperoni then so be it.. However I also chose to have digestive enzymes and Gabriel Method green capsules to help process the meal.  That to me is the true nature of Gabriel Method.. it is to eat free of depriving thoughts that a diet mindset promote and to be able to have options of detoxing when you are just living a normal life. 

For me being challenged about food is STILL a trigger it seems.. One that I am grateful has shown itself today.  I immediately felt attacked, like I was being shamed and guilty.  It was NOT her fault and I know she had no idea that I would feel the way I did. 

Despite these feelings that rose pretty quickly I didn't feel like chucking in the towel.  I wont be having a tantrum and having a binge to stuff down the feelings.  I'm choosing to address it head on.  And RELEASE it to where it came from.

I have just used this Clearing method to release this issue - Its called Tapping and it works!



We have the power to get rid of guilt.. and I totally plan to NOT being a victim any longer

Will I use peperoni again.. Probably!

Nothing is Impossible!

WHEN YOU THINK ITS IMPOSSIBLE.. 

WATCH THIS VIDEO AND REALISE 

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

No looking back..

This has been a tough week.  Highs and lows emotionally that I can't really begin to explain to anyone else exactly what I went through.

I had times of Self Doubt that I'm proud to have experienced and not crashed and burned through.

I had times of feeling amazing and invincible like the world was perfect.

There were times of tiredness where I started to fear I was failing

And now.. Im in the moment post all of this and in a place where I can reflect and reclaim my life again.

I started to worry I was living too prescriptive.. almost diet like. My daily routine is a place of comfort for me.. but then I started doubting that I was doing "it" right..   'am I eating enough?'  'am I kidding myself?' 'will I really lose this weight ever?' 

How you do you go from living a "diet" mindset for 30+ years with everyone including society telling you there is only one way to lose weight but for some reason I had tried dozens and NONE of them were sustainable.

Suddenly I feel I found my key but yet the old fears are still there.. 'is this just going to join all those fads?'

The answer is NO.. I am not living a fad.. I am LIVING. and I am changing.  This is not a whim.. this actually makes sense to me. This is actually making me FEEL different.. FEEL WHOLE, FEEL ALIVE.  

Am I scared?  YES.. but not a prisoner or paralysed by fear.

I have amazing people in my life right now.. who understand me.. who hear my heart and I'm grateful to be alive!.  God is blessing me beyond measure and I trust HIM that this is right!

No more looking back.. No more living in Fear that paralysed me and held me prisoner; and forced me towards eating unhealthy pollutions.  

THIS IS MY LIFE AND I AM GOING  TO LIVE IT!

EMOTIONAL OBESITY - My Toolkit for Survival

Today I want to share with my followers the difficulties I face daily with the Mental side of life.  I know I am inspiring others with sharing my transformation journey but it goes beyond the daily juicing and whole food eating. I must share some sides that I'm not always proud of and that often scare me into action.

For a long time I have suffered numerous mental illnesses, ranging from depression, obsession, compulsion, eating disorders and borderline personality disorder (trait).

I know first hand the debilitating nature of Chronic Fatigue and have experienced many different forms of therapy and rehabilitation including Gestalt Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural, Psychiatry, Dieticians  Bariatric Surgery, high doses of the drug Fluoxitine (Prozac) as well as a month inpatient treatment at a Psychiatric hospital.

Before I share further I want you to know I'm no longer medicated and I'm no longer using "therapy".  I'm armed with a great "tool kit" from my experiences to help me through the days when I struggle.

LIFE INSIDE SKIPPY'S HEAD

Its a scary thought but you are probably wondering what life is like inside my head.. well let me share a story with you..

When I was 7 and in Yr 2 at school I was a cute kid.. but already a little messed up.  I had been medicated for night time bed wetting which I now know was caused by a psychological reason. The medication then caused constipation which then made be very physically sick for a long time and already suffering from Nutritional starvation.  At that young age it is clear to me that I was struggling with physical issues brought on by emotional issues at home.  

So one day in class we were given free time to do various activities in the class.  True Skippy style I focused on my task to intently that I was blocking out the rest of the world.. so I had obviously not heard the teacher say we had to remain in our desks (I think she was leaving the class room). I got up to change my work book and immediately got yelled at by the teacher (who was also the infants principle).  I was called to the front and smacked very hard on the back of my legs... demanded to sit down at my desk and then my best friend was instructed to ensure I didnt move and report if I did whilst she left the room.

I vividly remember the humiliation and absolute unfairness of this treatment.  To be smacked by the teacher was and still is a painful thing.  I remember crying and pretending to look in the drawer underneath the table top of my desk just so I could hide and not be seen by my classmates.  At the time I didn't even know what I had done wrong.

This is just one painful memory I have of times when I have unjustly got in trouble or where the punishment did NOT fit the crime.  

Public Humiliation become something of a chronic issue in my life and being wrong became the most painful wound.  This is very much the HEART of my Emotional Obesity.

Now 34 yrs later I am understanding that this wounding of my heart has caused a Trigger inside me that makes me sad, scared, feel stupid and a feel like a failure.  Its CRAZY that something so long ago STILL effects me today!.  The difference is I can now SEE it and I can now deal with it.

TOOL KIT IN ACTION

So over the weekend a few random people have made comments (innocent and not directly threatening) that I have taken to heart and "heard" as telling me I am wrong, stupid and a failure.  There are a number of ways this can happen but any form of correction I find very hard to NOT take personally and to not then have a knock on effect in my life...

Because I'm afraid of being wrong because I might be humiliated, I strive to be Perfect.  The smartest, fastest, most accurate, best at most things, know all.. I have a smug pride side of me that likes that I'm Intelligent and I also like others to see me as "somewhat of an expert"... and don't get me wrong.. fact is. I AM SMART and I do know a lot. lol.. BUT  there is a way of presenting that doesn't need to also attack me inside.  Being those things isnt BAD but letting them eat me like a Pride and Smugness IS a bad thing... especially when they blind me and detract from the GOOD things I'm doing for myself.  Lets face it.. knowledge is only as good as the action it produces!

So when I felt like I was once again WRONG on the weekend.. Immediately I go into shame mode.  I must say this is rarely happening these day but when it does,  it KICKS me hard.  

Its no surprise it happened when I was going away from home for the weekend.  Vulnerability of being out of routine is dangerous.  Also when I get slightly complacent with my life I am also vulnerable to being attacked emotionally.. Sabotaged by the ugly side of life... the side of "MY LIFE" anyway, that wants me to remain stuck forever in the "Less Quality being" that I had become.

Old strategies of dealing with this kind of emotion would be - SULK, Tantrum, Cry, Throw in the towel,  Binge eat and Anger.

NEW Strategies of dealing with negative, shame and fear emotions:

• RECOGNITION - seeing it for what it is has been the most liberating part of my journey.  KNOWING its happening and being able to see its a temporary fixable thing.

• REACTION - Don't react immediately.. my impulses to react are not yet healthy so an immediate reaction or action is actually not that helpful.

• ACCOUNTABILITY - who am I reacting for?  ME.. no one else.  its MY life and no other person has to live with the outcome (generally speaking) So acknowledging that my reaction will impact my journey is mega important.

• ACTION -  What am I going to do as a consequence?   Blog about it, change a habit, ADD something, meditate, Tapping, Clearing, chat to a friend, exercise, chores etc.  

If I can go through this process the PHYSICAL reaction of fear and shame disappear... because they have been seen for what they are.. a child response to a grown up situation.

So.. when I felt like I was wrong on the weekend.  I Kept Calm and carried on (as best as I could).  I fought off the desire to sulk and throw in the towel.  I am being accountable to ME by blogging about it and ADDING to my life.  I did the ABUNDANCE visualisation this morning so that my reaction wasn't one of depriving and I made a conscious choice to change or "tweak" a habit in order to keep growing in my journey.

By blogging and sharing this today I have been able to deal with a very important and very potent Emotional Obesity Trigger and it will decrease its chance of happening again - But also add accountability and hopefully HELP someone else.  

This is NOT an Inward selfish journey.. YES.. its MY journey but I was it to inspire others in theirs!

Treat or Tyrant?

This weekend my husband and I were treated to a rare weekend away child free! Anyone with kids will know how special this can be.

We chose a B&B less than an hour from home but right on Morton Bay which is east of the beautiful Brisbane Queensland. Hubby has been spending a lot of time working away from home so this was a well looked forward to time away. 

Where we stayed is Villa De Maria, run by a lovely retired Pilot and his wife.  They have their own jetty and yacht and the house is a Tuscan style villa.. with its own Olive Grove courtyard.  They were lovely hosts and we enjoyed it a lot.

We decided to have a sunset picnic by the water instead of going to Gold Class Cinema and it was such an amazing evening.  We had REAL Italian Sorbet watching the sun set then devoured cheese, fruit, ham and gluten free bread as the sun disappeared and the cool night began.  It did get rather chilly even here in Queensland! 

The Sunset was a amazing and there were several wedding parties taking advantage of the romantic setting.  Several families with their kids still out playing till dark and there was this AMAZING tree that was silhouetted by the sunset that looked like a "tree of life".  Pretty great place to be.

I felt great till the cold breeze picked up and we decided to make our exit and take a drive too look for a cafe to get a hot drink.

We ended up driving and then finding the local RSL and getting a cup of tea from there.  

By 7.30pm though I was feeling VERY tired.  I blame the sugary Sorbet.  Having detoxed my body off Cane Sugar I really feel its effect now and this is a good thing as I used to binge on and love eating candy and now see why my body would just go into a sugar coma every afternoon.

I love being able to FEEL effects of foods and be accountable to that reaction.  I love that control.. Im a control freak.  But I didn't like it last night when I could have been enjoying myself more than I was.  We could have gone for a night walk but I was exhausted.  Instead I had an early night watching TV in bed!..

I don't feel guilty for having the sorbet.. it was rather nice to begin with and I didn't finish mine as I found it too sweet half way through but I did enjoy it .. but ... happy to not have it again.  It didn't "rock my world" in a great way.  My taste is just so different.  

I'm grateful for the journey I am on.  LIVING not just blindly existing.  Making choices not just being a victim. 

My treats don't have to be a tyrants but they can be learning experiences!

LIFE - When food is no longer the focus!

So dear readers I have been a little quiet the last couple of days.  I have just been enjoying the busyness of life and joys of living.

I have had a house guest and he got to enjoy the splendours our families my healthy lifestyle; Whilst listening to all my joys and rewards of the last few months.

With this and doing a lot of visiting and meeting with friends I have had the joy of being with my friends and FOOD not being the main event. 

It's not easy when old social ways involved foods that for me I now see were toxic and addictive and to actually make a healthy choice and then not focus on it.  It takes effort.

Yes I am eating.  Yes some days I have difficulty making choices.  Yes I am still at times afraid of food and at times have to focus myself on what Healthy eating really means to me and forget the old society way of imposing marketing sponsored values.

Eating healthy when you have never done it is a very new concept.  To identify what dieting means is also a personal interpretation of a daily habit.

Now its time to learn to enjoy life BEYOND food.. to LIVE and have healthy meaningful relationships without it being ruled by food!

  

Diet is DIE with a T.  

What's Triggering Your Weight Gain?

 TAKE THE QUIZ TO FIND OUT YOUR FAT TRIGGERS

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A bit of Brain Washing!

After yesterdays emotional eating brought on by refined sugar in a piece of gluten free brownie; I chose today to get back into focus.

TODAY IS A NEW DAY..

This morning I caught up with a close friend and cried on her shoulder about my plight yesterday.  I actually cried at my feeling of fear of failure and my sense that I was no great example that I keep getting told I am.  I could hear my self pity and doubt dribble out like an open wound.


As a true friend (whom happens to be a nurse!!) she helped me 'get over' myself and tactfully suggested I throw away the remaining offending brownie and brownie topped pie as it was obviously not going to do me any favours keeping it.  

She is totally right.. I had clearly said to her.. 'I ate it because it was there and I gave myself permission to eat it because it was a waste not to'

And ya know what?...... She is so right..

So I got home and IN THE BIN it went.. it felt good.. it didn't hurt me and it was NOT a waste to throw away something so toxic to my body and mind!

It was a valuable lesson to remember its OK  to THROW AWAY food!   It's also ok to have days when there is a bit of chaos in my life.  

I am stronger than I give myself credit and I refuse to fail!!

  

Keep Calm and Carry On!

So this is a journey. This is Life. A NEW life.

Echos of my old life remain but I'm so proud of myself that when these echos come forward that I deal with them with calm.

Yesterday I had a moment of fear, doubt and sadness. I began to worry that I wasn't doing enough and that I would not sustain any progress.

Why these negative fears arose I still don't know but I am aware of this deep seeded self sabotage villain that dwells within and I'm working on its eviction.

How this effected me yesterday was manifested in this under lying fear. Fear of failure.

Every day I'm actively on the Gabriel Method forum, I'm actively talking to other Gabriel Method lifestylers and encouraging others in their daily journey.

Yesterday I did a Qijong energy excerise lesson, and I did a few arm dumbbell exercises. Yet I felt like my eating was not good. Too much focus was on food. It didn't feel good. I felt over indulged and in some way "dirty"

I had my live juice, I had my supplements and did my visualisations, but then I ate a piece of left over gluten free brownie for late breakfast. In itself that doesn't seem bad. I didn't eat a huge piece and I didn't eat it mindless. But this brownie had refined sugar in it and it set me up to have poisoned thinking the rest of the day.

I made a lush vegetable soup that I had all good stuff it. I then had eggs with gluten free cruskets for dinner but after dinner I had a piece of my birthday avo choc pie. The one I had as my birthday cake. Made from raw nuts, green coconut, raw cacao, coconut oil and coconut palm sugar.... But.... The topping was that gluten free brownie. Now my piece was not huge but I ate it NOT for hunger or energy ... I didn't need it and I KNEW I didn't need it. And THAT is the point of this blog. In my journey there is NO room for emotional eating.. Regardless of the emotion. I'm sure I ate it because of the brownie that morning.. My brain was on drugs all day and I was fighting it the rest of the day.

The only way I would not have eaten it would be if it was not there! And this dear reader is the heart of emotional obesity. It's that compulsion to eat when not hungry. The drive that seems uncontrollable.

This was not a craving.. It was not boredom but it was driven by that refined super drug that has addictive power.

I had lived refined cane sugar free for a month and this was a valuable lesson in its power over me. One taste on Saturday set me up for this ongoing drive to eat that brownie again.

Today is a new day! A day to detox from sugar and I will win!

Sometimes you need to look at life from a different perspective!

I'm an over organiser.  I always arrive Early, I over pack and I over plan.. this I always prided myself in as a quality.  Now I am seeing its my way of "being in control" and I see now it actually caused me more work and more stress.

Gabriel Method has taught me to "go with the flow" a bit more.  Be flexible, Be spontaneous and be less stressed..

AND I LOVE IT!

Yesterday was my birthday and I had friend coming for the afternoon.. Normally I would be stroppy and panicky wanting everything just perfect.  I would set up my expectations so high that the reality was so under my estimations I would feel disappointed and stressed.  We had such a lot to do before guest arrived as Tom has been away working interstate most of the week and had jobs outside he needed to do for me before I could even begin to set up my High Tea birthday.  Instead of waking up on my birthday stressing I really enjoyed myself.  I relaxed, I enjoyed opening the gifts from my kids and husband.  I leisurely made my breakfast.  I finished preparing a few treats I had made for the High Tea and then at 10am I went shopping on my own.. something I would normally drag the whole family out and we would all be annoyed at each other.. etc

It was lovely going on my own.  I knew one thing i wanted to buy (my Blender) and I had researched the one I wanted so went straight to that shop, I didn't have to wait or argue with kids.. I just made my purchase... but after that purchase I was free to choose. 

I decided to get my hair cut.. No appointment just chose the location of a hairdressers I wanted to try.  When I got there she was too busy to fit in a walk in, I felt a bit disappointed and thought Oh well it can wait.. so I went to the nearby green grocers and checked out some speciality shops then as I was walking back to the car I passed the hairdressers again and I noticed it was empty and a staff member was looking bored so I cheekily asked again if they were available.. and BINGO.. her appointment hadn't turned up and I could be fit in.. turned out to be the BEST thing ever.. she understood my hair needs we chatted, laughed and I really enjoyed myself and then when finished I was super happy with the result.. and then the price... $21.50  BARGAIN.. I usually pay $26 at Just-cuts .. Thanks Sheering Shed hair dressers in Regents Park you made my birthday a treat... http://www.facebook.com/shearingshedenteratownrisk

I got home and its was about 12pm and my guests would be arriving at 2.30pm.  I had a lot to do to make my home good and my husband still hadn't finished getting the outside entertainment dining area ready to set up. So instead of getting cranky and resentful I just set to doing a few jobs and thought .. "its ok.. its the company not the food or trimmings that is important" (<A very new concept to me).

I vacuumed and tidied and got stuck into the tasks at hand.. I got enough done that were important and then had time to choose an outfit and change.  I wore a dress I haven't worn for over a year because last time I tried it on it didn't fit my bust and stomach area and just wasnt comfortable; my arms were a disgrace in it... this time it was just perfect, the dress part was loose, the bust area fit fine (though my darling boobs are impressively obvious still), and my arms are looking amazing and I felt GREAT in it.  The High Tea was a great time with beautiful friends.

Not the best angle to show off my face but I love this photo all the same!
My upper arms are smooth and you can see I have shoulders!! 

Today.. my kids begged us to see The Croods at the cinema.. they has missed out during the holidays and I said daddy might take them.. We went to shopping centre/cinema complex together and I decided NOT to see the film but to use the time to do stuff on my own.

I'm liking this "On My Own" milarky.. why have I always been so dependant on someone else's company to enjoy myself or window shop!  I had birthday money to spend so I chose to utilise a $20 off birthday voucher I received and purchase two very sweet silver rings.  One says LOVE and other says LOVE, HOPE, FAITH.  These represent my journey very well.

Enjoying time on my own represents a HUGE change in me.  It means I can trust my own company, trust myself, enjoy my own company without getting bored or lonely and I am emotionally LIVING in the real world not hiding behind some one else for security.  I feel confident and competent and fearless.

This year I am having to learn to be independent as my husband has to work interstate every week and so is away from home at least 50% of the week.    I am learning to be ok with just being on my own.  I'm learning to be independent (sure I still enjoy being waited on by hubby when he is home)  But I have the opportunity to do things for myself .. giving myself permission to be ME.

Slowly as a family we are working through quality time with each other, not just as husband and wife but with our kids as individuals.  However, next weekend hubby and I are being treated to a weekend away.. my BFF is having my kids and paying for us to have a weekend date!.  What a blessing to our marriage.  Its good timing for us as we have had little time alone to be US.. not mum and dad.  

This year we celebrate 20 years of married life... this is a great year!

Queen for a Day!

Today was the first Birthday I have celebrated since starting my Gabriel Method journey.  I really notice the change in me... not just physically but mentally.

My love language is Gifts.. I LOVE to give and receive them.. and its a bit alien to me anyone who does NOT share my passion for it.

In the past my birthday have been the perfect excuse to binge on processed foods.  To delight in the celebration that was always my permission to be greedy.

When ever I have had friends over they will confirm I have always gone OTT with the Salty and Sweet processed junk food goodies that were my old addicted passion.

But this year I opted to exhibit some of my alternative options of making my own home made mostly raw cake.  My friend made some Gluten free scones and we had yummy Tea and just Chilled Water... (no soft drinks or juices).

I didn't want to be depriving and my friends all contributed with yummy sugary goodies but I actually was content with the items I ate, enjoyed them lovingly, actually TASTED THEM.. savoured them.. and felt in LOVE with my food for once instead of chowing down mentally numb to flavour.... and I never felt I was missing out even thought my old nemesis NENISH TARTS were in attendance.

I made my own birthday cake; I researched a great deal for recipes that had ingredients I already had and knew I could make and i must say my end result was pretty darn awesome..

The base was made just with Nuts, dates and coconut oil, the middle layer was Avocado, cacao powder, coconut butter, coconut palm sugar and coconut oil and a little real vanilla.  The top was a gluten free brownie packet mix with added walnuts and pepita's...and it really was AMAZING...

I also didn't feel over occupied in "food" gathering before the High Tea,  and I even spent a couple of hours out on my own spending birthday money and getting my hair cut.  It was just awesome.. to be Queen for the day!

Life should always have moments when we can be Queen (or king).. where the we are the centre of attention.. but I am glad I never let it go to my head and forget my friends and family.  I'm so totally blessed by some amazing women in my life who all make me want to be the BEST me I can be.  They inspire me so much..... to me.. they are my hero's.. .. worth their weight in Gold!  (and Thanks to my hubby who watched 6 very excitable 3 - 7 yr old boys who were having their own play date at the same time - I hardly even noticed them).

Thank you to the 5 gorgeous and fabulous ladies who came and shared High Tea with me and let me be Queen for a couple of hours..   Its an honour to have you in my life!.

xx

HRH Skippy!

Pre-Birthday Ponders

Me and my Daddy in 1972

Tomorrow is my 41st Birthday and I always have a little ponder about the last year and the coming year.

This time last year I was a very heavy weight.  I was anxious and hiding.  I did have an awesome 40th Birthday garden party with very special sweet friends and an amazing delicious cake made exactly how I wanted.

This year last year has been an amazing whirlwind of change.  

In May 2012 when looking for further ways of living a Whole-food life, I found The Gabriel Method for weight loss   I was impressed by Jons testimony and for the first time found a kindred spirit that backed up my belief that Diets Don't Work.

I started learning a lot about Jon's process to freedom from Obesity and the holistic approach he followed (and now teaches)  I wasn't trying too hard and I had not emerged myself into the daily visualising yet but in July I got an email inviting me to consider joining a new Case Study program Jon was offering for 6 months.  I felt nervous and excited.. I knew it was for me but the financial cost was a massive commitment.  But I trusted Jon enough to say YES... 

3 weeks after joining Case Study.. my husbands once secure job was made redundant.  Our world came tumbling down.. Suddenly we had no regular income and thought he got a payout that we had no idea how long it had to last and how we would manage.  

No work was around.. a LOT of people in our City had lost their jobs in the same industry and because of the high level of my husbands credentials he was just too expensive to employ! 

Times were tough..  Stress was high and if it was not for The Gabriel Method and Case Study I would NOT have got through the following months without having to return to medication.

My Gabriel Coach, Marjolijn, was a divine appointment.  A true blessing in my life.  I call her my Mummy Bird.. she held my hand through some tough soul work.  I chose to commit our precious finances to me seeing the case study program through, because the benefit to our family was worth it... even if it meant I had to get fit enough to work.  Im so glad I saw it through.   

The last half of 2012 are a blur and a whirlwind of emotion and memories.  So much has happened yet I feel its disappeared in the blink of an eye.  I think that is what happens when you live in the Present.. you no longer have time to dwell or store up negativity.. which lets be honest I know I had formed a habit of doing.

I was able to release some very painful memories from childhood and as I released these things back to where they came from, I started to find a freedom I had never known.  Freedom to discover ME.  Who I wanted to be, learn who I COULD be and its been amazing!

My journey has been less about weight loss and more about EVERYTHING.  My weight is a symptom of other more important concerns and THOSE are what I am choosing to address!

Part of the Case Study was an all access pass to Jon's events. This including attending his Kiama 4 day Retreat.  I signed up before my husband had found work and I just prayed we would be able to afford travel and accommodation when the time arrived in March 2013.

My husband did find a job before Christmas but his start date was not until January 2013.  Our financial situation was getting dire but at NO POINT did we ever not have enough to pay the essential bills due.. and this continues the to be the case despite the fact that his new job was a huge pay cut!.

Jon's Kiama Retreat was a massive turning point.. and i think all paths were leading to it.  so much of my life's journey came to a conclusion there.  And a HUGE door of New Hope opened. I stepped through it.. sang a welcome song to it and here I am.. writing a blog about my daily journey.

I sometimes read my blog or look in the mirror and say "who IS that woman?"  I know there are aspects of myself that are still evolving.  But I feel the true me has come out kicking, fighting and WINNING.

Since Kiama, my body has started to respond to the detoxing lifestyle I live.  I'm not weighing myself so I can't give my dear readers figures... but my Facebook page  http://www.facebook.com/SkippysTransformation has a few progress photos if you need to proof..   

This coming year is going to blow my mind if I think about it too hard.  I am focusing on the short term... this keeps me grounded.. but my Dreams and Visualisations are limitless..

NO REGRETS - NO FAILURES... JUST A JOURNEY.

I walked!

I walked for exercise this morning.. I am so proud of myself. 

 Anyone who knows me knows I have lived the life of a disabled person for a very long time.  At 16 I had a total hip replacement after many years of suffering from Perthes Disease.    

My hip has defied logic and medicine.  Every Orthopaedic surgeon I meet are dumb struck that I have a 25 yr old hip replacement that looks as healthy and perfect as the day it was done.  

February 2012 I thought my mobility was over when I had a slip on mud in the school car park.  I virtually did the splits and heard a very loud CRACK in my left hip.  I was in a lot of pain and taken by specialist ambulance to the PA hospital in Brisbane.

Put on morphine and CT scans and Xrays were taken.  Specialists were fearing I had broken my hip and I went into a real panic and grieving; thinking my life as a young mother would be taken away from me.. that my kids would forever have a mum in a wheel chair.

The scan returned COMPLETELY CLEAR.. the specialists were amazed.. Diagnosis was that I had severely ripped my Adductor Muscle..  It was the most painful thing I have ever done. Long term prognosis was unknown, and the worst case scenario was given to me to prepare for.  Never walking unaided again!

Three days in hospital on morphine and other pain medication and a hospital Physiotherapist trying to get me mobile enough to go home.   I left hospital using a wheeled Walking frame.  A geriatric at 39 was no life for me to look forward to.  I went to Rehab every week and was blessed with an amazing Physiotherapist who found me fascinating and rose to the challenge to help me.. beyond just the adductor.  They felt my slip has been contributed to by the fact I had a dropped, twisted and tilted pelvic and 3 compressed discs in my lower spine! (L3-5).  I had two lovely Physiotherapist Manually manipulate my pelvis back into some type of normal position (not fun when two grown men are virtually sitting on your pelvis pushing it and you are not medicated and fully awake!!)

Over the weeks/months of adjustments, manipulations  hydrotherapy and massages the Adductor healed and I strengthened my leg and endurance.  I was eventually discharged from Rehab told to use at the very least a walking stick and if uneven or slippery ground or long distance walking I was to use my walking frame.  

And this was the life for me. Until I went to Kiama in March 2013.

In Kiama I was at the Jon Gabriel retreat.  Jon gave us an amazing 3 day retreat of learning about different aspects of health, digestions, our spiritual ability and our brain etc.  One of the seminars I found the MOST challenging of all, was about our bodies ability to HEAL itself naturally.

I cried so long and hard that day... could I REALLY live the life of a fully able person just by CHOOSING to and just by nourishing my body correctly and visualising Health and Vitality.

SO so so many years of doctors telling me I was destined for nothing.  Life never had really begun for me.. back as a 12 yr old girl first losing her ability to walk after a slip on mud impacted my already damaged hip .. suddenly not being able to walk.. then at the age of 39 almost repeating history.. but actually THAT fall almost seems like it was coming full circle and the END of the life I had lived so far.. disabled, fat, fearful and lonely.

What led me to Gabriel Method in May 2012 is another story I will tell one day.. but my mobility was still being rehabilitated.. and my mood til that point was very low.. depressed  and i was on Prozac, high strength Voltaren and the occasional Morphine etc.  but once I started listening to visualisations my life changed.. my physiotherapist saw a change.. a passion to be great! A determination to one day Ride a Bike!

I started taking Omega 3 suppliments and suddenly i no longer had pain.. so I stopped the morphine and voltaren.. and as my confidence grew I suddenly one day said NO MORE to the Prozac and that too was gone.. all because of Omega 3.

So now nearly a year later.. and suddenly believing in myself at last.. and believing in the power of this God Crafted body to heal itself and renew. Every cell one by one can be healed, duplicated and renewed.. I decided to take on the challenge.  If this be true then I have to give my body EVERY advantage I can.. 

I learned that processed foods made my cells rigid and not duplicate correctly.  Processed food make the vital hormones that regulate blood sugar, fat storage etc be ignored by the brain.  

The chain of command in my body was in ruin.  The ONLY way forward was to deal with my Digestion < to me this is the true nervous system of our body.. without proper digestion our body can not get the vital nutrients for cell health.. My body is 100% cellular.. its simple.. crap food = crap cells.   I have a Gastric band that was suppose to save my life but was KILLING IT.

My mind is also the other factor.  Crap food = Crap attitude.  

I'm now feeding my Cells LIVE HEALTHY VITAL FOODS.. that create this body every day.  They feed, heal and mobilise.. 

So.. that leaves TODAY.. after 11 months on the Gabriel Method.. I just did a 1km walk without painkillers, without a walking frame, without a walking stick.. just me and my legs.. my beautiful amazing clever legs.

THANK YOU GOD FOR AMAZING BEAUTIFUL CLEVER LEGS THAT GET US FROM A - B

Sprouts sprout sprouts.....

 I have been learning all about sprouting.. and bought some amazing organic sprouting seeds from my health food store.  

So far I have done Lentils, 

 Wheat grass

Alfalfa

Some one to lean on

Today I was reminded that there are struggles and emotions we all face.. and things will come up that offend or challenge our firm foundation and faith.

How we respond to these times is totally what is more important.  Do we dwell and wallow in the negativity or do we turn our back and draw a line on the drama.  

Today I did just that.. faced something that offended, judged and disrespected me and I chose NOT to respond.  I did turn to a trusted friend and ran by my decision process by her and came to my own answer of moving on and  not giving the actual offending issue any further air time. 

I know I have grown and I gather strength from every trial or event that try to promote drama.  I know for CERTAIN that I am transforming BODY and MIND

GOD BLESS ALL the amazing people in my life I can lean on and gather strength from - you know who you are!!

Here are the words of a song that inspires me.

Lean On Me

Bill Withers

Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.
Lean on me, when you're not strong and I'll be your friend.
I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna need somebody
to lean on.

Please swallow your pride, if have things you need to borrow.
For no one can fill those needs that you won't let show.

You just call on me brother when you need a hand.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you'll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.

Lean on me when you't not strong, and I'll be your friend.
I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long 'til I'm gonna' need
somebody to lean on.

You just call on me brother if you need a friend.
We all need somebody to lean on.
I just might have a problem that you'll understand.
We all need somebody to lean on.

If there is a load you have to bear that you can't carry.
I'm right up the road, I'll share your load if you just call me.

Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me

Its a process and it takes time!

Today I'm feeling very chilled.  I think its because my new lifestyle is becoming routine and I can just settle into it without fear of failure.

Its liberating to finally be LIVING and LOVING.

It happens when you stop fighting.  You know you have found the right thing for you when its no longer a battle.  I never understood that when I heard others say it.. but I FINALLY understand. 

Its a process and it takes time.

I have ZERO cravings for my old Toxic life and I don't feel deprived or left out.

I'm loving living Processed Food Free.  I'm loving eating LIVE food.  Drinking a fresh veg Juice every day.  Taking my Probiotics, digestive enzyme and Omega 3!  

My body is thanking me by being PAIN FREE!  Parts of me are shrinking and Im finding the new me underneath this layer of Toxin Storage!

Cooking up a storm

I don't want this blog to be a cooking blog as my GM journey is not all about the food.. its just one aspect.. so occasionally I will post a recipe or photo but please don't ask me for more as I am just journaling my daily walk with GM.

Today I felt very motivated to cook up a storm. 

It started with making Nut milk for the first time.. (see previous blog post) 

The nut milk left me with about 2.5 cups of Almond Pulp which I was going to freeze and keep but decided to use.  

So I next made some yummy Chocolate Alternative to coconut Rough..

This yummy slice is Almond Pulp, coconut oil, Cacoa Raw powder and Coconut Palm sugar.

Then I decided to use the rest of the pulp to make Quinoa/Almond Cheese scones

These were delicious slightly warm from the Oven with butter (and my BFF had hers with vegemite!)

Then for dinner I decided to make

 home made meat balls in Tomato and Carrot sauce.. with Udon noodles.

YUM!

I wish I was this motivated to cook EVERY day. Im sure my family do too!